Defining Values - Post #4

Date: January 29, 2007
Personal Temperature: Sick with a fever

So I am home from work today having been attacked by a horrible bug that was passed from The Daughter to The Husband and now to me. I hate being sick! I am one of those people who can't enjoy my time off from work and instead check my work email constantly and call in to my staff to make sure everything is okay. But, being home has allowed me to find time to post, so that is a good thing.

Well, The Husband and I finally sat down and had what I consider to be a focused conversation about our job search. It didn't come without some frustration, as I still feel there are many questions that are left unanswered, but we did have an opportunity to talk about our values/goals related to our dual job search which is a good thing. For me, these values/goals are essentially the road map for our dual job search trip; and will hopefully keep us on track so that we are not waylaid by unforeseen obstacles and opportunities. So, here is a look at our road map:

The Wife Values/Goals:

1. Working at a university/living in a city close to our families.
2. Obtaining a position that allows me to have balance between my role as a professional and my role as a wife and mother.
3. Find a university home and establish a lasting network of support, i.e. a place that The Husband and I can work for many years and become known entities on campus and in the community.
4. Find a live-off position in Housing & Residence Life that focuses on staff recruitment, training and development; or a live-off position that includes the supervision of graduate and/or full time staff and all that comes with that.
5. Find a position in Student Affairs that provides me with new challenges and new ways to connect with students and help them be successful.

The Husband's Values/Goals: ***NOTE*** I felt it was important for The Husband to write out his values/goals for you to see rather than me doing it and risking misrepresenting his wants and needs.

1. Find a job near family.

2. Find a job that pays me a lot of money and only requires me to work "9-5".

3. Find a job in a place where neither The Wife or I have to commute a long distance.

So, as you can see, some of our values/goals are in line and some are not. I fear that those values that are not in line are the ones with the most potential to cause unnecessary stress and strain in our lives and in our marriage. Even putting these values/goals down has caused me to think up more questions, such as, "Hey, that's great that we both agree that moving back closer to family is our number one value/goal, but what if there aren't job opportunities for either of us; or worse, what if there is a job opportunity for one of us but not the other?" See what I mean?!? A person can go crazy thinking through this stuff! Perhaps I am already crazy and just don't know it.

Let's Backtrack...Here's Some History - Post 3

It occurs to me that I have started in the middle of the story and have neglected to introduce to you not only myself, but other main characters and the general plot of my life. As you know, this post is meant to be anonymous, so introducing myself and my life suddenly becomes harder than I imagined.

Let’s start with my name, The Wife. When deciding how to present myself to you, many identities came to mind, for example The Wife, The Mother, The Professional, The Res Lifer, The Worrier, The Planner, and The Job Searcher. But as I reflected more about the purpose behind this blog, I realized that the only identity that made sense was The Wife. For while this job search is about me as a professional in Residence Life, my new role as Mother, and my hang-ups of worrying and planning, essentially this job search is about my role as a wife, a partner. In past job searches, it wasn’t necessary for me to think of another person and what was right for his career. It wasn’t necessary to be concerned about another person’s job search timeline or when potential jobs for him might be posted. It wasn’t even a thought in my mind that he or I may have to turn down a fabulous career opportunity if the other partner had no job prospects in the area. Now, those freedoms that were once taken for granted belong to neither me nor The Husband. Since these new parameters drive both of our job searches, it felt appropriate for us to be labeled as The Wife and The Husband; and thus, our identities were born.

So, who are The Wife and The Husband? Well, I am currently a fourth year professional in Residence Life at a large Division I university in the Midwest. I received my master’s in Student Affairs in Higher Education from a lovely college near the Rocky Mountains and received a bachelor’s of English from a very proud school in the South. It was there at the proud Southern school that I met The Husband. He is currently finishing up his master’s in Sports Administration, and it was his desire to attend graduate school at our current Midwest university that brought us here. While here, we welcomed into our little family The Daughter, who is all of five months and is sleeping soundly right now and allowing me time to write this post.

Now that you know a little about who we are, maybe you want to know why you should care. Our little family is about to embark on a stress-filled (in my opinion) and fun-filled (in The Husband’s opinion) journey as the Husband and I take this semester to maneuver through a dual job search. From reading my previous two posts you will already realize that The Husband and I have two different philosophies when it comes to this journey, and my role is to take you through our ups and downs, our job interviews and experiences, and hopefully offer some helpful insights along the way. If you know anyone who is currently doing a dual job search or who will be doing one soon, invite them to read the blog, post messages and experience this journey with us. For me, this is more therapeutic than anything, an avenue for me to voice my worries, frustrations, and fears, as well as place to celebrate our successes and the excitement of the journey.

So, I apologize for the boring blog post this week, but felt I needed to do a better job introducing myself, The Husband, and our situation. Coming up, I attempt to talk seriously face-to-face with The Husband and all he wants to talk about is cheese! Stay tuned…..

So He Thinks He’s a Comedian Does He? - Post 2

Date: Sunday, January 14, 2007
Personal Temperature: Amused & Aggravated

I didn’t expect this to be easy. I actually knew that I would get shot down on the first try which is why I tried via email before attempting to corner The Husband face-to-face (this is to come later this week). Although, even I couldn’t have predicted how humorously annoyed he would be in his reply. Here is a little insight into what I have to put up with….

From: The Wife
Sent: Wed 1/10/2007 4:00 PM
To: The Husband
Subject: Our Job Search

Dear Husband,

Sometime after you finish your presentation, I would like to schedule a meeting with you to discuss our job search for this upcoming year. It would help me if we write down some clear goals and values that we can use to drive our search, as well as come up with some geographical job search parameters. In addition, I think it would be wise if we create a detailed calendar for this upcoming semester so we can anticipate which weekends we have work related activities, as well as when we will be out of town due to work; therefore, we will be better prepared to call upon friends and family should the need arise to help out with The Daughter. I feel that this semester has the potential to be a whirlwind and with proper vision and preparation, we will set ourselves up for greater success both professionally and personally.

Love,

Your Wife


From: The Husband
Sent: Thu 1/11/07 9:00 AM
To: The Wife
Subject: RE: Our Job Search

Dear Wife,

First of all, I think you are completely nuts. Secondly, I do appreciate your efforts in attempting to become better organized by creating an "outline" of our lives. Planning out each minute of every day for the next 7 months is something that I am incredibly excited about. I have been wanting to take on a project like this for some time now, and I wish to personally thank you for jump starting this collaborative activity. It takes a person of truly great wisdom and vision to predict the upcoming unpredictability in our lives. If you would like to continue to take a lead role on this project, my athletic schedule for the second semester is available online for your review.

As for the meeting to discuss our career goals and values, I would absolutely LOVE to speak to you about some of my new and exciting thoughts pertaining to our job search. Since our last seventeen meetings about this topic last semester, I have stumbled upon some groundbreaking new information related to our dual job search. I have been purposefully withholding this information from you for quite some time now due to my desire to keep you out of the loop and uninformed on this matter. I wish to convey to you that I do have a clear plan at the moment, and that I have all the answers. Please get with my secretary, Our Daughter, to schedule this meeting. She can be reached from 7:30 until 5:45 at Daycare.

Hope all is well for you and that you are enjoying this cold and dreary day.

Professionally,

Your Husband

Like I said, humorously annoyed. However, I am not deterred. I never expected this to be easy and I am determined to have this conversation, so try again I will. Yikes! I really must be tired because I am starting to talk like Yoda.

So to recap: Dual Job Search Discussion: Round 1
The Husband – 1; The Wife – 0

More Questions Than Answers - Post 1

Tuesday, January 9, 2007
Personal Temperature: Tired & Reflective

So, here it is 11:30pm on a Tuesday and I am sitting on our leather couch watching The Husband feed our four month old baby girl her final bottle of the night and it occurs to me that here it is January and we do not have a plan. I am a born planner; and I emerged from the womb with pencil and calendar in hand. Okay, so perhaps I am being a bit dramatic, but not by much. Ask The Husband he will agree with me. But I digress…

We have no plan. No plan of action, no plan of attack, no strategic plan, no five year plan, nada, nothing. And a plan is essential because this year The Husband and I will embark on our first professional dual job search. A few months ago I made the trek to Borders to see if I could find a book that would help us prepare for the adventure ahead but unfortunately there isn’t a book entitled “Dual Job Search for Dummies” or “Your Guide to a Successful Dual Job Search” so basically we are winging it. For The Husband, “winging it” is the perfect plan. He is someone who believes that we need to roll with the punches, let life run its course, not stress out over our job search because we have always found jobs so why would this time be any different. (It is during one of theses speeches that I begin to wonder how I could have made a life commitment to someone whose philosophy of planning differs so much from my own. But, I loved the man, so what choice did I have but to over look such flawed logic.) While I appreciate The Husband’s opinion on this matter he is clearly wrong and we cannot sit back and be passive participants in life, but rather we must grab the proverbial “job bull” by the horns and become actively involved in molding our future.

But where do we begin? Do we do a regional search or a national search? Should we both look simultaneously or should one of us start looking now and the other one later? Whose next step is most important? What if I find a great job but there are no opportunities for him in that area or vice versa? How long will we be in our next positions? What if we both find great jobs that we love but in completely different areas, how do we decide whose career comes first? What about The Daughter? What are her needs? Can we as individuals and our marriage take this much stress? AHHHHHHH!!!! I can already feel my blood pressure rising and a stress headache is slowly starting to form behind my eyes. It is moments like this that I am glad there isn’t a chocolate cake in the apartment because I could easily devour it all in a misguided effort to make myself feel better. I am not sure where to begin this process and I honestly have more questions than I do answers, but maybe that is as it should be. Maybe we have to face all the unknown questions and then in seeking the answers we find our way.

Since I work better when I have a direction and a deadline I am giving myself homework. My Homework to be completed by Wednesday, January 17, 2007 is to sit down with The Husband and compile a list of questions pertaining to any and all aspects of our dual job search. I can already see him rolling his eyes over this….